Gotta Start Somewhere

There have been numerous attempts to make it a habit for myself to write about something to keep a record of this existence. Feels like the urge grows more mighty as the years pass. 

A friend of mine once told me that the condition of your teeth is a representation of your life. If that is true, then, my life is falling apart. However, I am in a situation, at the current state, that I believe there is no exit other than the recently censored word.  

For starters, reducing screen time has become the new focus and we shall see if I can keep log of every time I have the urge to doom scroll. Swiping up on your phone endlessly to keep the mind distracted from the boring passage of time. But, who said it was boring, or that it boredom must be fulfilled with entertainment? 

Why do we want to distract ourselves from the boredom of life? When did it become boring? Why is it so boring? I, probably, won't be able to answer all these questions in one post. Although, I do think of these questions all the time, so the analyses of them shall be progressive. 

I knew starting a business would be difficult, but did not expect how much it takes to make a profit, especially, in the restaurant industry. 

A random order came in pretty early, then, another order from the building manager. I hope he's buying from me because he actually likes the food and not feel sorry for my low sales. Anywho, I digress. It seems like we're gaining some sales traction, but it might turn out just like the opening sales where I was getting sporadic orders and skipping a day. Thus far, I think it's been about one or two orders a day. Not nearly enough to break even. We need, at least, ten times the current sales just to break even. 

There's some manual labor that must be done. Part of operating a ghost kitchen by your self. 

I must face my addictions and change my habits to improve my lifestyle. The main things I indulge in are coffee and weed. Porn is a whole other thing that I will talk about later. The combination of coffee and weed are terrible for my teeth. The effects are starting to show at a rapid pace. 

Hiring food influencers seems like a dodgy business. You know they just want their money. They want to be paid to record someone else's creation to edit the video for audience engagement. Highly considering making videos on my own. We can just have an AI program make a social marketing plan and video guides. Google can probably do that, too. 

What else can I do to increase exposure, which in turn should increase sales? Research has shown that ghost kitchens tend to have trust issues with the customers. We have to humanize the brand. 

So far, I haven't done any doom scrolling, today. Although, that could change out of nowhere. I know browsing the social media web is an addiction because of how I feel when I haven't had any for a while. It starts to feel like  a "need" instead of a "want". I must remind myself that instagram should not be my source for world news. It is merely entertainment. To behold you from the arduous passing of time. 

Coffee has felt like a "need" for quite some years. I have substituted solid foods for this sweet brown liquid in hopes that I could save some money. But, I was, also, addicted to the warm beverage that seems to be perfect for any day. Or, maybe I've drank it so much in so many scenarios that I can't see myself without it. Either way, my teeth are falling apart. A cavity has grown deeper. A chipped tooth has chipped some more. I keep picking at it with my tongue. It might be making it worse. If I stop drinking coffee, then, at least, I will know it wasn't the cause of tooth decay. 

Weed has reduced itself to a lower rank on the vice list ever since it was reclassified to Schedule III. Sharing the classification with ketamine and anabolic steroids. However, I must consider reducing the frequency of use because of the hole it's burning in my wallet. I feel like smoking, again. Yea, be right back. 

Cold turkey might be the only way, although, arguably, the most difficult method. However, one can perceive any habit to be difficult to change. We must replace old habits with new activities. Why are we hesitant to trade vices for physical activity, which will enable us to do more activities? Muscles are grown by habit of use and overuse. You have to start having a routine or schedule of body movement several times a week. A job still requires a functioning body. Do you remember seeing that old man working in Burger King with a hunchback? You can prevent that for you but action must be taken to achieve that. 

Manual labor seems to be the best substitute for doom scrolling. Although, the work is always tedious it is, obviously, more rewarding than just staring blankly at a phone while swiping up. I am going to write whenever I get the urge to doom scroll. I don't think I can keep log of all the times I feel the compulsion to open instagram, but I can, at least, describe the magnitude of the pull from whenever I write it down. The level is quite high, at the moment, and it's mixed with the feeling of missing out, although, there is nothing I'm missing out of for my own life. This I must work on accepting. My life as is. 

Hopefully, I can write for longer than a week in the same media. This could be a good place to start, or the last place to do so. 

I want to write for several reasons but I think the main ones are because I want to make sense of my thoughts and leave something for others to learn from. I have been thinking of ending myself more frequently, lately, and I have no outlet to express my deep thoughts. I, actually, don't like the idea of a stranger reading my journal. However, I'm at a point where I don't care anymore, and maybe, it could actually help someone somehow. I can't be the only one having these thoughts. 

Recent events has made me think of a time in my past where I've experienced something similar. There is a recurring theme about every 12 years. A major scandal or conspiracy that involves the president relating to the elite class who control the world in the shadows and that they are a cult with violent rituals. I've heard this, easily, three times in my life, perhaps more. If it's true, why isn't there other people who are rich and powerful doing anything to stop them? Is everybody in on it? If so, what if they are right and the rest of us don't know something they do? Morality is a human construct; just like theology, ideology, idolatry, etc.

What if we have to do crazy things to achieve crazy outcomes? What is considered crazy but that which is not accepted by the masses. Going way off on a thought tangent. Right now, I need to figure out how to increase sales for my business.

I think watching video clips on social media of what other people are doing is not quite helping me with my goals. What are some videos I can make on my own to draw audience attention to convert to sales? I've never been so broke. When I had a job I had the comfort of knowing there's a steady stream of income expected to arrive automatically into my bank account. I really took that for granted. Owning a business, so far, seems beneficial to me when it comes to doing taxes. I have yet to discover other financial benefits of owning a business. Marketing and advertising seems to be my weak point.

Shit, I just did it; doom scrolling. I opened a browser to check any updates on ig for Zag's, then, I got dragged down to scroll for more videos. It stimulates my mind in a way where it requires my attention and the looping of clips ensnares to stay locked in. Crazy how effective well edited video clips are. 

I wonder if this lady is basically living off of free meals to post videos. Just from her profile she gives me the creeps. Something about how the kids behave in the clips kind of throws me off. She keeps reminding me in her messages that it's for her kids and for a family friendly video. Why does she have to remind me of these points? Maybe I'm imagining things, but yea, I hope I'm wrong. I'm cutting off that other chick, though. She only posts pictures and barely gets any engagement. That mukbang reel worked well. Perhaps I can find more influencers that do those kinds of posts. 

I'm going to make this order, pack it neatly, and wait for that lady's arrival. I get the sense that I won't get along with her anyhow. I should thank her for stopping by and that I'm looking forward to seeing her video. Please tag the brand name on your post, thank you. We haven't addressed the payment, so I'll just wait and see what she says, if she brings it up. Hmm, she didn't mention any pay, so let's see if the video still gets posted. What are some things I can do on my own?

Let's get to work on the video scripts and planning. Once it's written down we can focus on shooting the videos. The end of today's work time is creeping up. I have to do some DoorDash because I need the cash for rent. As much as I hate it, I really need to make it a habit of doing deliveries every night. It's the only thing keeping me afloat. I don't know what I will do next month. My stash is nearing zero with no other options. 

Closing time is near. Time for work. Tomorrow is another day. I think I'll end today's writing, here.